A Super Power??

A friend of mine asked me to join a fun little movement... Synchroblogging. The main idea here is several people doing a blog on the same theme. The blog theme this time is which super power you would have if you could have one.

I think if I had to choose a super power I'd want to know when people are lying. I know this wasn't an option, really, but it is what would be most beneficial to me and the people I love. So if I can't have super human strength to go along with the super power, I'll just take being a human lie-detector.

I thought, of course, of possibly seeing through things. That is such a tempting super power for me. I love looking at men and women honestly. But I would hate manipulating anything in such a fashion. Let alone the privacy violation. I've known too much of this myself to put anyone else through it.

I thought of something super human like flying or shape shifting, but if I can't fight evil... it all just seems useless. I definitely would want to help people and who better to help than the people I love. To protect them from harm and pain. To keep anyone around them from abusing their way too quick-to-trust natures.

That just seems like the most appropriate power for me.

Hugs Kelvin! Check out his blog if you want to see more Synchroblogging.

Being Me...

All I can ever be is me. I was born in this skin. I was born with these eyes and this smile. I walk in these shoes. And tomorrow I will wake up as that same me. I do not write to please anyone. Yes... somewhere in the back of my mind I want to be appreciated, somewhere in the back of my mind I always want to please. But the day I sat down to start writing... I sat down for me. I sat down to vent, to clear my mind, to find connections between the thousands of looming thoughts swirling in my brain. If, as a biproduct, I found a connection with others and began making someone smile, say wow, or feel even the slightest something... then it was a happy result for me.

I will not stop my blog for you. I will not stop my blog for anyone. I sat in the grass beneath the tree beside my mother and fought myself on these very thoughts. What am I afraid of? So what if people know who I am? So what if they know I've had sex? So what if they know my fears? Honestly... does any of this change who I am at the end of the day? ... No. Why then, should I let that fear rule me? ... I won't.

So... the fact that people have found me cannot be my determining factor. I am writing to be a better me. I am writing to find myself and to improve myself. Ultimately, that means I need to see even the shit I am ashamed of... whether or not you see it is of no effect. I will not give anyone the right to have power over me or my blog. My choice and my voice was stolen by abusers, rapists, and assholes. All too often... I let them take it. I'm still too afraid to fight for it, for myself, for my voice in so many instances, but this one is mine!

The final questions are... Can I find the freedom to write as I began writing with despite knowing my ex decided to pass around my blog information to his family? Can I know that there may be malicious eyes on me waiting for me to fail and still admit all my truths?

I will be the best me I can be oneday, even if today I am not. This is my voice and I will continue to write!!

A Starting Point...

I guess the first thing I should do... is start? I love to write. I have thoughts in my head all day everyday, whirling around, bumping into other thoughts, and in general causing confusion and what seems like utter chaos. I write usually when forced or compelled beyond belief. Usually, I write some form of erotic story, a letter requesting explanation, or in past years in a moment of conviction something so powerful I stand back and wonder where the fuck it all came from. Guess I should read up on how naughty I'm allowed to be here...

The Disclaimers:

• I swear and don't mind if I do
• I fuck and plan to talk about it here
• I've been abused and eventually will elaborate
• I need to learn and will only do so with reflection of myself and others
• I will be 100% honest; that one is a reminder for myself as well as you

For the record:

This is a personal blog. The opinions expressed here represent my own and not those of my employer.