Worn Panties?

Attempting to re-enter the dating scene I find myself ungodly bored with all of it.  Sick of viewing pictures of the same stuck up, pretentious men.  Sick of reading the same bullshit lines about wanting a girl who ‘takes care of herself’.  Seriously, why don’t they just say ‘I’m looking for a fucking twig, no one else need apply’.  I’m sickened by the amount of men who stick to this gross idea of beauty.  But it is what it is, and frankly I don’t want a prick that thinks anything less than curvy is gorgeous!

I used to spend hours at the gym every night.  And do you know what I had time for with that lifestyle?  No one!  My life revolved around keeping those two hours set aside for the gym every night.  It’s fun.  But honestly when I live my life with a partner, I want my life to be about myself and my partner together. 

My ex and I used to go to the gym together.  And he’d watch t.v. and laugh.  Hang with his pals and show off.  Really, it was not any bit considered quality time. If anything it made me miss him more because our time was more spent apart in site of each other than together.

So, to all those assholes who feel the need to emphasize a girl’s ability to ‘take care of herself’ on their profile… all they are truly looking for is a girl with a high metabolism.  And all I can think is ‘good fucking luck’ because in the good ole’ U. S. of A. girls with hips are more in abundance.

To add to my boredom on the dating scene I recently ran into the sexiest situation I’ve endured in YEARS!!  Yes, my friends, years!  I posted some panties and a matching bra to sell online.  This stuff was new with tags and had zero sexuality added to the sales pitch.  I just wanted to make a few bucks off of something I will never wear.  Simply.

But I received a message back from someone asking what else I might have available.  I mentioned the numerous other pairs of panties I have, with tags.  They pushed further saying clearly I had some style and the natural curves to fill the panties I was selling, but wondered what used items I had.  Finding this rather curious, I acknowledged and offered some of the soon-to-be-tossed panties I have in the back of my drawer. 

He then admitted his gender… admitted his interest in these newly mentioned items… and the desire not only to purchase them but to have them freshly worn upon purchase.  I was totally skeeved out!  But given my current financial situation I bit the bullet and decided to play along. 

He mentioned a lap dance, getting closer, watching me remove these panties, etc.  Okay, ya’ll know I’m not a damn church choir girl here.  I’ve been naughty.  This shit is just about right up my alley, but I don’t know this dick from Adam.  I don’t know how old he is… what he REALLY wants to do to me… how far he is willing to go, etc. 

My mom points out the obvious… that this is a cop and I’m setting my ass up to get placed in jail.  Dually noted, but seriously, I was just trying to sell a brand new pair of unworn panties, I didn’t ask for any of this shit!! And I’d happily cry entrapment should it come down to it. 

We chat playfully back and forth.  As much as I’m becoming turned on by this entire idea, I’m also confused by his disinterest in texting me.  I’m thinking he has got to be married.  Fair enough, I think, as long as he doesn’t touch me… I can live with myself.  I avoid his every attempt to get closer or see a little more from me.  Following some due diligence.  I set up a safe exchange location.  I tell a coworker where I will be.  I even gave her his phone number should I disappear mid-exchange. I was ready for almost anything.  Except… that!!!

He was fucking gorgeous!  He met me with a glowing smile.  If I wasn’t already in heat from knowing what was going down his eyes added to it.  He was sweet as hell… kind, careful, and sexy.  It was a delicious encounter.  I had already set all the ground rules… he couldn’t touch me, and we absolutely would not be somewhere alone.   I’d all but screwed myself out of this charming encounter.  Damn me!!!

And just as satisfying were his thoughts of me.  How beautiful, smart, sexy, and fun.  Argh.  Damn intelligence, due diligence, and safety!!!  I wanted him, instantly!

We texted… all… day!  He had me… all that he wanted me, he could have me.  But suddenly he was smarter… he knew better and he wasn’t giving in.  He knew I’d fall like a sinker for him.  So I keep wondering… why can’t hot, curve-loving men like this one be on the damn dating sites?  Why do all these sexy 30 year old men think they are too damaged? Fuck that baby, I know damage and it is not anywhere near him. 

Suddenly the standard dating site is ten times more boring.  Blah!!!  Booooo-rrrr-iiinng asshole... they all are compared to Mr. Wants-My-Panties.  And since then he has been stuck in my head.  I just keep wishing I hadn’t been so safe.  I’m also looking further into this worn-panty selling business.  I joined a site.  We shall see how this goes.  Anyone have any advice, on either front?

Finding Balance When It All Feels Tipped

I sit in another wave of confusion. My body aches with sadness. I fight this battle inside myself everyday. The good versus the bad. The intellect versus the lust. The friend versus the the sexual deviant. I really feel quite trapped in this cycle.

I look around and men don't exist. Not real ones. Not the ones that hold your hand. Not the ones that would kiss your belly if you told them it hurt. Well maybe they do exist... they either just have no interest in me or they are already taken. To get a guy like that... what do you do?

I guess I focus too much on grabbing their attention. I long for that first lust and impulse to get them to notice me. If they never look, how will they ever see me? There are a million girls out there... and a whole shit-load of them look ten times better than me. There are smarter girls who could probably spin circles around me in what they know. There are sweeter girls that would melt them faster than I could. So what do I have? How the hell can anyone feel special anymore? Unless I appeal to their sexuality... because I know sex! But that normally foreits any chance at anything meaningful. So... I don't know what to do.


So... I guess I go the sexual route. No.. that is not to say I fuck anything that walks within 10 feet of me. But I talk pretty, I flirt, and tease... I want them to want me. I want to be who they think about before they fall asleep and when they open there eyes. Maybe I long to be thought of as perfection. I don't even know what I want... I guess that should be first?

But then I cross the line. Even when I somehow find someone that wants to talk to me because I'm smart, funny, and interesting... I can't fucking control myself. I still tease and play until he has no choice but to want. And then I've fucked it up. There are somethings done in friendly fun... and somethings... ... somethings just cross the line.

Once I've ruined the good I find I feel so hopelessly sad. It's so rare to find someone that you enjoy talking to, that enjoys you too. That's when I feel like I must not be able to do a damn thing right. Because even having ten guys begging to see me for the sexual side... none of it compares to that one. I need to find where I can be both. I need that someone that loves me for my mind and heart but fiends after my body and sexuality.

I need to find a balance. I just don't where... everything feels so off balance. Where do you find the stability?